A chilly, winter breeze darted through the alleys in downtown Orlando, Florida, putting pluck in the step of Jehovah. Feeling like some playful tidily wink, He hopped unfettered down the side streets, frolicking towards His next endeavor: the procurement of new shoes.
The bottom of Jehovah's right shoe was detached, and it clacked on His foot as He walked down Orange Avenue. The seismic repercussions of a clacking 36 billion double-E spelled doom for passerby. Most sailed into the air, luckily catching hold of high mast lighting or street signs. Two people standing at a LYNX bus stop , Otis Comely and Ruby Latham, shot into the sky entering infinity. Hollering, they both passed through the wispy O of a Rosie O' Grady's Goodtime Emporium skywriter.
The bells jingled on the door of Sam Bear's store as Jehovah passed through its threshold. A colorful character in The City Beautiful, Sam Bear promised in his commercials that he could "fit any foot." Lucho was on deck that morning. He put his bagel down and zestily sprang forth to assist Bear's most valued Customer.
"And a good day to you, Mr. Jehovah," Lucho said.
"YOU DARE SPEAK TO THE LORD?"
Lucho averted his gaze and offered Jehovah a seat. Jehovah sat down, and Lucho bounced up hitting the ceiling and banged back down again on the gray, short-piled carpet.
"DO YOU HAVE ANY CORDOVAN BROWN, DUTCH STYLE SLIP-ONS WITH THAT COOL LITTLE BUCKLE STRAP?" Jehovah asked.
Rubbing his injured noggin, Lucho performed a yes-dance and ran back to get Them. Jehovah flicked off His old Shoes, inadvertently exploding the store's side wall and leveling the adjacent building. He rubbed His sweaty Toes together through His holy tube Socks, causing the ocean tides to reverse.
Lucho emerged from the back standing on top of an enormous Box. He cheered on one hundred burly, shirtless men as they struggled with their ropes. Reserves were called in from Egypt, New York and Israel. Their labor was not in vain, for the Shoe was finally crammed onto Jehovah's Foot.
Jehovah got up and walked up and down the aisle.
"OW! OW! OW!...LET ME SEE THAT BOX! THIS IS A 36 BILLION REGULAR! I NEED A DOUBLE-E!"
Lucho and the men chanted a Gregorian number that explained that this was the only pair of cordovan brown, Dutch style slip-ons with that cool little buckle strap in stock.
"HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE TO SPECIAL ORDER?" Jehovah asked.
In Latin, the men sang that it would take six to eight weeks, because UPS gave them a hassle when they tried to overnight parcels that weighed more than 50 pounds.
"I'LL TAKE CARE OF THE ME-DAMNED UNITED POSTAL SERVICE," Jehovah said. "THEIR HOMES WILL BY DEVOURED BY REINCARNATED BRONTOSAURUS, AND THEIR CHILDREN WILL BE BORN WITHOUT THE CAPACITY FOR JOY! MAKE THE ORDER!"
Lucho made a call, and 17 minutes later, the gargantuan Space Shuttle Hawking, a massive worldwide endeavor, landed out front on Orange Avenue. Great sheaths of ice crashed into the storefront window as the cargo bay doors opened. From bullhorns, Yassir Arafat and Dick Clark sang a bent note gospel hymn that apologized for the delay. The bells on Sam Bear's door jingled once again as the entire infantry of the People's Republic of China dragged the box into the store. Together, the Shoes were pulled from the Box and placed on Jehovah's Feet.
"...HMM, THEY SQUISH A LITTLE ON THE TOES," Jehovah said, pining for a discount.
John Williams and the Boston Pops performed the background music while Andrea Bocelli and Charlotte Church sang an opera that explained that all leather does that at first, and that before He even leaves the store, they'll be hugging His tired old Dogs more gently than Mary when she had first held the baby Jesus.
"WELLLLLLLLL...SHUT THAT PBS CHICK UP, AND I'LL TAKE 'EM. YOU'RE THROWIN' IN SOME SOCKS, RIGHT?"
Lucho did his yes-dance.
Driving the store's crane up to the cash wrap, Lucho dropped a giant pair of Socks (the massive Washington AIDS Quilt with freshly tailored alterations) into the Shoebox, while Jehovah swiped His Debit Card.
"WHICH BUTTON DO I PUSH?"
Maya Angelou emerged from behind the register. With closed eyes and a perfect diction that leaned on the N's, she recited this impromptu poem:
Please punch in His pious pin.
Press Green, and let there be light.
Say, "Amen!" for ATM,
I hope He done did it all right.
'THANKS Y'ALL!" Jehovah said, and before leaving, He ripped the bells off Sam Bear's front door. He squeezed them hard, then opened His Hand and dumped Otis Comely and Ruby Latham, hair mussed and agitated, onto the gray, short-piled carpet.
"LUCHO, THESE FOLKS NEED A COUPLE PAIR OF NEW SOLES. FIX 'EM UP, AND PUT IT ON MY BILL, WILL YA?"
Jehovah stepped out into the chilly, winter breeze of downtown Orlando and pondered His next Feat.
The bottom of Jehovah's right shoe was detached, and it clacked on His foot as He walked down Orange Avenue. The seismic repercussions of a clacking 36 billion double-E spelled doom for passerby. Most sailed into the air, luckily catching hold of high mast lighting or street signs. Two people standing at a LYNX bus stop , Otis Comely and Ruby Latham, shot into the sky entering infinity. Hollering, they both passed through the wispy O of a Rosie O' Grady's Goodtime Emporium skywriter.
The bells jingled on the door of Sam Bear's store as Jehovah passed through its threshold. A colorful character in The City Beautiful, Sam Bear promised in his commercials that he could "fit any foot." Lucho was on deck that morning. He put his bagel down and zestily sprang forth to assist Bear's most valued Customer.
"And a good day to you, Mr. Jehovah," Lucho said.
"YOU DARE SPEAK TO THE LORD?"
Lucho averted his gaze and offered Jehovah a seat. Jehovah sat down, and Lucho bounced up hitting the ceiling and banged back down again on the gray, short-piled carpet.
"DO YOU HAVE ANY CORDOVAN BROWN, DUTCH STYLE SLIP-ONS WITH THAT COOL LITTLE BUCKLE STRAP?" Jehovah asked.
Rubbing his injured noggin, Lucho performed a yes-dance and ran back to get Them. Jehovah flicked off His old Shoes, inadvertently exploding the store's side wall and leveling the adjacent building. He rubbed His sweaty Toes together through His holy tube Socks, causing the ocean tides to reverse.
Lucho emerged from the back standing on top of an enormous Box. He cheered on one hundred burly, shirtless men as they struggled with their ropes. Reserves were called in from Egypt, New York and Israel. Their labor was not in vain, for the Shoe was finally crammed onto Jehovah's Foot.
Jehovah got up and walked up and down the aisle.
"OW! OW! OW!...LET ME SEE THAT BOX! THIS IS A 36 BILLION REGULAR! I NEED A DOUBLE-E!"
Lucho and the men chanted a Gregorian number that explained that this was the only pair of cordovan brown, Dutch style slip-ons with that cool little buckle strap in stock.
"HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE TO SPECIAL ORDER?" Jehovah asked.
In Latin, the men sang that it would take six to eight weeks, because UPS gave them a hassle when they tried to overnight parcels that weighed more than 50 pounds.
"I'LL TAKE CARE OF THE ME-DAMNED UNITED POSTAL SERVICE," Jehovah said. "THEIR HOMES WILL BY DEVOURED BY REINCARNATED BRONTOSAURUS, AND THEIR CHILDREN WILL BE BORN WITHOUT THE CAPACITY FOR JOY! MAKE THE ORDER!"
Lucho made a call, and 17 minutes later, the gargantuan Space Shuttle Hawking, a massive worldwide endeavor, landed out front on Orange Avenue. Great sheaths of ice crashed into the storefront window as the cargo bay doors opened. From bullhorns, Yassir Arafat and Dick Clark sang a bent note gospel hymn that apologized for the delay. The bells on Sam Bear's door jingled once again as the entire infantry of the People's Republic of China dragged the box into the store. Together, the Shoes were pulled from the Box and placed on Jehovah's Feet.
"...HMM, THEY SQUISH A LITTLE ON THE TOES," Jehovah said, pining for a discount.
John Williams and the Boston Pops performed the background music while Andrea Bocelli and Charlotte Church sang an opera that explained that all leather does that at first, and that before He even leaves the store, they'll be hugging His tired old Dogs more gently than Mary when she had first held the baby Jesus.
"WELLLLLLLLL...SHUT THAT PBS CHICK UP, AND I'LL TAKE 'EM. YOU'RE THROWIN' IN SOME SOCKS, RIGHT?"
Lucho did his yes-dance.
Driving the store's crane up to the cash wrap, Lucho dropped a giant pair of Socks (the massive Washington AIDS Quilt with freshly tailored alterations) into the Shoebox, while Jehovah swiped His Debit Card.
"WHICH BUTTON DO I PUSH?"
Maya Angelou emerged from behind the register. With closed eyes and a perfect diction that leaned on the N's, she recited this impromptu poem:
Please punch in His pious pin.
Press Green, and let there be light.
Say, "Amen!" for ATM,
I hope He done did it all right.
'THANKS Y'ALL!" Jehovah said, and before leaving, He ripped the bells off Sam Bear's front door. He squeezed them hard, then opened His Hand and dumped Otis Comely and Ruby Latham, hair mussed and agitated, onto the gray, short-piled carpet.
"LUCHO, THESE FOLKS NEED A COUPLE PAIR OF NEW SOLES. FIX 'EM UP, AND PUT IT ON MY BILL, WILL YA?"
Jehovah stepped out into the chilly, winter breeze of downtown Orlando and pondered His next Feat.
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